Saturday, May 8, 2010

Finally - A Plan To Help Kids with ADD

Sometimes the planets align and what seemed to be an insurmountable obstacle unfolds into a place of insight and growth.

I have been blogging about my frustrations with our education system. There will never be a perfect system but what I found in working with my school district was a path that just may help us retrieve this year and the coming years for my son. I urge you, if you are struggling in the same way, to look into the programs available. It's not easy - you have to find the gatekeepers - it may be the school psychologist - or the superintendent of curriculum development. It may be the lead teacher of the special education program. What ever it is, take the the time to find the channels - they are there and that is where you will find assistance.

I was asked to join a meeting that I thought would be like every other. I was going to be told what was going wrong. The problems were going to be all my son's and once again we would dance that familiar dance around any kind of solution. This was not the case.

I was no longer sitting across from an administration, a district, or a school. I was amongst professionals determined to make this situation better. And they had a plan of action. They gracefully dealt with the terms, conditions and bureaucracy that comes with justifying a child's needs. Their response was so swift that his schedule was adjusted that same day and it happenned because I had the right people in the room. Finally.

I admit it wasn't easy and I know we will have our challenges, but I have hope. I see improvements and I feel atleast now - we have a plan.

What was the insight? I had to find the right people. I had to let go and listen.` I had to accept the need and get over the titles placed around these programs. I don't free fall very well - I'm a holder on-er. It's scary. But releasing myself from the of old ideas, my biases and the stigma around looking for help allowed me move in the right direction. The school had to do the same. These kids are not the enemy and they are not an unfortunate statistic. They're just normal kids dancing to the beat of a different drum, trying to get by. They've had all of maybe 15 years on this planet. I'm 47 and still trying to figure it out.

I'm not finished fighting the good fight - there are too many misfit toys painfully trudging through an inadequate system. Too many brilliant minds and extraordinary individuals being told daily that they do not belong because they can not conform.

Until next time

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Public Schools and Teens with Special Needs

The title is of this post is decieving. Makes one think that these two things - public schools and teens with special needs actually go hand-in-hand. I don't have a child that cannot be present in a regular classroom. I have the invisible kind of special needs kid. The kind of teen most often overlooked for support. Bright but unable to manage his time, organize his materials, perform consistently in class. On paper he tests high in most areas, has no real glaring gaps in aptitude, has a high IQ. Yet he struggles every single day in the classroom. Each day he fails at something - fails to hand in work, fails to complete long-term projects on time, fails to stay engaged. The classroom isn't working for him. Yet he is consistently seen as 'the problem'. He cannot conform.

Imagine you go in to work everyday unprepared. You cannot understand nor do you have the tools or the support in place to effectively change. Your boss is constently writing you up, you suffer the consequences both in your career and with your peer group. Worse yet, you cannot remove yourself from this job. You have no choice but to continue down this road. How do you turn this around? This is the life of 5%-7% of the students attending high school.

Yes, ADD - the catch all for a large group of students who are struggling in a worn out system unable to support a growing population of students. "It is estimated that on average about one child in every classroom in the United States needs help for this disorder."
I can't help but agree with Dr. David Katz when he challenges that we are over medicating and over diagnosing because we aren't allowing children to do what they need to do - get up - get physical and be more engaged when appropriate. Here is his intro video.

I am intrigued by Dr. Katz's work and he may be laying out a plan to be more effective with these students in the future. But what do we do with the student struggling in tenth grade now? He has not had this progressive environment. At this point he is frustrated at best and developing negative coping mechanisms at worse. Maybe he disengages entirely - the work is insignificant - he's not going to reach for it because he'll never make the leap. Or maybe he self-medicates using the easily accessible drugs or alcohol circulating around his school. He most certainly will gravitate to a group of kids with a similar outlook - familiar struggles. These children are pegged by the administration and staff as "difficult" students. They live in detentions, suffer suspensions which only reinforces their opinions that this situation is a losing game. "46 percent of children with ADHD had been suspended and 11 percent had been expelled.6 Taken together, expulsion and dropout rates approach 50 percent – an alarming statistic, since children with ADHD compose up to seven percent of the population.7"

I am struggling to support my son everyday. I'm trying to hold down a career, afford the basics and honestly I am having trouble holding on. Each year I approach the instructional team and each year I am disappointed with their response. They correspond with letters citing the multiple assignments missing, the lack of interest, the consequences. I feel for the most part they are laying the weight of the problem on my son - an me and offer little support to break the cycle.

There is a special classroom for kids like him - there is that kind of support - the kids are pulled from the regular classroom and the stigma around this support is palpable. It reinforces the differences, validates the failure and the class is made up of such a broad group of needs. Your kid is pretty much placed on the island of misfit toys. Yeah - that will help his self-esteem, that will allow him to bridge the gap.

I am frustrated - I need an alternative I can afford.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Mental Health Care and Raising Teens

I have often wondered why we do not have a counselor present in our children's lives from the very beginning. Why does our culture ignore emotional care until it reaches a state of emergency? What American parent would delay medical care until there was a problem? Waiting on medical care until your child had a life-threatening condition would be considered negligent? Yet we place no preventative care in reach for mental and emotional growth. Our children have medical and dental well-visits from the time they are days old. As a culture we accept the concept of preventative care for these areas of our children's lives. What if we did the same for their emotional health?

Imagine this. Your child is starting school - new stressers, new relationships with peers and adults, new systems of social engagement. What if your child had preventative emotional care from the get go? A place to explore those triggers and stressers, a place to learn effective communication skills, a place to learn positive techniques to deal with bullies, friendships - group dynamics. You may say, well I provide that - or the school provides that - don't kid yourself. And maybe you do to a degree. But I'm willing to bet that there are an awful lot of us out there that do not have the skills to provide the kind of care a professional child psychologist can provide. And I'll bet that you yourself, as a parent, are one of the stressers in your child's life. Because we are - because we aren't always on the top of our game - because we carry our own baggage.

After all, our generation is one of the first to even embrace the idea of mental care - without the stigma. And where the heck did that stigma come from anyway? We don't need the history lesson right now. Suffice to say, we are slow to acknowledge the need until we see our child cutting, using drugs, or acting out in some other destructive way. As a culture we cannot even fathom preventative emotional care. The world is flat.

Imagine your child learning how to articulate their emotional state and needs from childhood to adulthood. How extraordinary. When they have early issues with your parenting you work through it together. You share a session. What would you learn as a parent both from the counselor and your child? How valuable it would be to work through the small problems, refine your communication skills along with your child, learn how to parent that particular child effectively?

The world is flat. We are okay with the pediatrician and the dentist but we resist the counselor until the red lights are flashing. Wouldn't it be so much easier to develop the skills over time? How many tragedies would be diverted? Our teen suicide rates are on the rise. We have a serious teen drug problem, and our kids face new challenges as a result of technological advancements. Now the bully can reach your kid virtually. Cyberbullying, sexting and Internet abuse are new stressers. Congratulations and welcome to the 21st century!

The need is clearly there but I know what you are thinking. The same thing I'm thinking. How do I afford that? Even if I have good health care, it is so limited in mental/emotional care it is practically non-existent. Maybe you get 6 visits. And counselors - well I'm most discouraged by that. I wish I could charge $200.00 an hour! I have personally had to make the tough decision of foregoing care because of cost. It is a reality - I get that - we can't always get what we want - but emotional care? I live in the richest nation in the world. We send rockets to Mars! Counselors...are you out there? Do you have a way of reaching those of us who can't afford $200 an hour care?

But forget all that bull crap about entitlement cause it's not about that. It's not about living in the richest nation or health care expectations. It's about where we place our priorities. It's about recognizing the 'what if'. It's about making small changes that could positively affect an entire generation.

Some statistics from http://www.timetotalk.org/Newsroom/:
There are 35 million American families with children at risk of abusing drugs and alcohol. (Source: U.S. Census 2000, parents with children ages 9 -17)

Most teens in America experiment with drugs by the time they are 14 1/2 years old and 50% of high school seniors report that they have used some form of illicit drugs in their lives.

"A previously published CDC survey of youth in grades 9 to 12 in public and private schools in the United States found that 17 percent reported “seriously considering” suicide, 13 percent reported creating a plan and 8 percent reported trying to take their own life in the 12 months preceding the survey."http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/09/070907221530.htm

Resources:
http://www.familyfirstaid.org/suicide.html
http://www.teendepression.org/articles1.html

Monday, January 11, 2010

Teen Brains

I was doing some research for a new client and I stumbled on this article. It was one of many that mentioned the teen brain as unique, rather than just an adult brain with less miles.

The teenage brain is more responsive to the world around them which may help them learn and retain faster than their tired parents - it may also make them susceptible to negative stimuli, like stress and likely to experiment with drugs (this strikes a personal chord). Read Why Teens are Impulsive - Risk Takers. On the same page is a link to a newer set of findings. New mapping seems to suggest that risk taking teens may have an advantage over those more passive. Read More. Which just goes to show you that the braniacs have only the tiniest glimpse of whats really going on. Still, it may help us understand what makes our kids tick and that can't hurt - can it?

This new information may help us transform the old high school model into a place that serves this kind of brain a little better. Do our teens have a chance to positively create using that impulsiveness? How can we turn risk into possibilities? What part of high school French or Algebra allows them to tap into that trigger fine receptive brain and explore those concepts in the world around them? I sat in high school - I sat, and I sat, and I sat - listening but rarely invited to 'do'. I did my time - Erik is doing his time.

I was listening to NPR - Madeleine Brand was talking to author Daniel Pink about his latest book Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us. The gist - 'given more autonomy in their jobs, the rewards for both employee and employer are enormous.' In the course of the conversation he described the process of a four year old exploring the world. A four year old doesn't really identify when he is learning or when he is playing - he is just interested, and in the moment and so learning and growing from the experience. We cowl our kids - institutionalize them - teach one dimensionally.

It was ironic because Erik has been trying to beat this into my brain for about a year now - he does not at all respond to scheduling creativity. He dispises dates or schedules and as soon as anyone tries to impose them, he resists. But he'll spend hours trying to achieve on his terms. This has been very frustrating for me - and his math teacher! But Pink's conversation made me stop and think - and coupled with the new brain imaging information, it made me really attempt to adjust the angle at which I try to engage with Erik.

So if Erik never learns to conform does this mean he will never achieve? God, I think of all the interviews of all those really creative people talking about the hell of high school and I think, this is bullshit - if Erik is driven - he will acheive. I need to give him the space to find it - whatever 'it' is.

Thursday, January 31, 2008

First Day Of School

I'm hoping this blog allows us to share some ideas about parenting teen boys - maybe avoid some pitfalls even act as a place to blow off some steam.

A safe place to rant and rave. At the very least I hope its a place where we can laugh a little about those frustrating, ridiculous situations we find ourselves in when dealing with teenagers - in my case - teen age boys!

New Schools
It's hard to know how to support your kid when he's having a rough time in school.

We move around a lot - the kids don't have a single place they call home. In one respect, we have made 'home' in a lot of different places - it makes us resourceful and flexible. In another respect, we have no roots. Without roots, the stuff that can only tug and pull at you when you are firmly planted somewhere, can rip you right off the ground. Its never the flying right? It's the landing.

Maybe you haven't noticed (like maybe you've been under a rock or something) but teenagers do not immediately accept a new individual into the fold. And depending where you are coming from, and where you have landed, the 'rules of engagement' can be quite different. So - not only is the social language and rhythm different, but no one is offering up the rule book.

In this, my kids are at a supreme disadvantage, they don't have a place within the group. It doesn't matter if your in high school, or starting that brand new fortune 100 executive position; you will be defined, put in a slot and asked to serve a role - do not fold, spindle, or mutilate. That's just what humans do.

So first they ride out the 'new kid mystique' which is always intriguing, though sadly short lived. Eventually the truth is revealed. There will be some in the school just looking for your kid's kryptonite and you know - they're gonna find it.

What's more, the most important players in this encounter are just as confused, frustrated, stressed, impulsive and clueless as your kid is - It's not their fault, they're all amazing works of art -- they just happen to be in the early stages of development - a work in progress.

I listen to them and notice they are trying on all those adult roles we are too familiar with - who's the caregiver, who's the tyrant, who's the pleaser, the leader, the antagonist - the victim. Some are still trying these on and some are already packaged up and wearing it like a fashion statement.

Maybe I have that all wrong - maybe thats all determined long before middle school. But the kids I see are still stretching and inventing themselves. That's one of the coolest things to witness. Sure, we get the fall out of the inevitable social misadventures but hey, that's clearly in our job description.

When an adult starts a new job in a corporation; we are given 30 pages of HR 'get to know your environment', 10 hours of tours and training - meet and greet meetings and on and on. Our kids start a new school and they get about 10 minutes of 'here's your locker' - 'someone showed you around right?' 'your ok? - good, come see me if you have any questions or problems.'

Before I go and drum up dinner, before the guitar lessons and the homework check, the scheduling and the daily 'oh my god, why does the bathroom have to look like this after just one day?!' I hope to hear from someone out there regarding their kids first day - or new kid day - or your own personal first day of school

talk to you soon